The Ridiculousness of the Easter Story
Yesterday was the holiest of holy days for most Christians. The funny part is that the story they celebrated, the Easter story, really celebrates the ridiculousness of the religion.
We live in a Christian dominated world, so it is safe to say that we all know the basic story. Let me just give a brief recap just so we are all on the same page. Christians expect people to believe that their all-powerful god created an entire universe just for human beings but that he was so stupid as to create human beings knowing full well that they would “sin” and that sin is the one thing, the only thing that God can’t be in the presence of. That is sort of like Superman allowing John Corbin to get into a car accident knowing full well that Corbin would be transformed into Metallo (for the less geeky, Metallo is a super-villain powered by kryptonite).
So God carefully created the entire Universe just for us and then created us knowing we would do get curious and eat from the Tree of Knowledge. This created sin, which is the one thing God can’t tolerate and can’t be in the presence of. It is in essence his kryptonite. That’s just the setup for the Easter story.
So man lives separated from God in sin for at least 4000 years or more. Then God suddenly figures out an elaborate scheme to get rid of sin so that he can hang out with his children for all eternity. God’s timeless so you would think he would have just made this scheme of his instantly. But know it takes at least 33 years.
Enter Jesus. God takes part of himself and impregnates a virgin girl his divine “seed.” Nine months later out pops Jesus. The woman swears she was a virgin and her husband believes her. He thinks that it makes much more sense that his virgin wife got pregnant from God than that maybe she was fooling around with some other dude. All I’m saying is if my wife said that I would be filing divorce papers.
Enter the very ridiculous Easter story. Jesus was devoutly Jewish and yet broke bread (not Matzah) on Passover. He then got the shit kicked out of him despite having more super powers than Superman. Jesus gets himself killed but only for three days and calls that a sacrifice. What exactly is he sacrificing and how is it a sacrifice?
Jesus isn’t dead, dead. He is just temporarily dead and he knows it. So it just amounts to a few hours of pain and suffering. Does this allow all humanity to escape some evil villain? No, it is pointless suffering. Apparently Mr. All-powerful God figured out that the only thing that will destroy his kryptonite is his own blood… but only if you believe this ridiculous story.
This story makes absolutely no sense. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen had less plot-holes and makes much more sense than the Easter story. Plus Megan Fox is way hotter than Mary Magdalene I’m sure.
If God is all powerful, then he would have no kryptonite and there wouldn’t be an issue at all. If sin is his kryptonite and God isn’t all powerful, then he should have stopped the sin before it came into the world. Even if God fucked up and sin came into the world this whole elaborate scheme to get rid of sin through the temporary death of Jesus seems too convoluted and silly. Calling it a sacrifice just reinforces the silliness. I can go on all day, but this blog is long enough.
Filed under: blood sacrifice, Easter, god, Good Friday, Religion, sin
