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What would you tell God?

I was talking with an atheist friend of mine last week and he asked a fantasy question. What I mean by a fantasy question is that the questioner is reasonably certain that the question will never come up in reality. It is like asking who you would pick for your all star football team or if you could cast the new movie coming out who would you pick. In reality, you would never be in a position to make those decisions and in some cases, a fantasy question might even allow for you to pick people living or dead.

In any case, the question my friend asked is what if we are wrong and there really is a god and it happened to be the God of the Bible. What would you say to God? While some people would take that opportunity to beg to get into the perfect paradise of Heaven and avoid the eternal torture of Hell, I am not one of those people. Socrates said to Crito that it is always better to receive an injustice than to do an injustice and I support that reasoning.

At first I thought it would be best to just tell God to go to Hell (ironically enough). Maybe even give God a lecture on morality or demand some sort of explanation from him for why he fucked the Humanity so much and why he is such an asshole. All those things would be fun, but to really answer this fantasy question in a series manner, I would have to take my cue from Babylon 5.

God is often called God the Father and we are often called the Children of God in the Bible. So with that said, I would tell God that his children have grown up and we don’t need him any more (besides, he was a lousy parent anyway). It is time for God to get the Hell out of our lives. I would demand that God make one last appearance on Earth and not as some dude either. I want got to make the announcement that he is leaving us to our own lives to every human being on Earth at the same time. We would all hear God’s voice in our heads at the same time and know with certainty that it is “I Am.”

He would tell us that he was a bad parent and that we are adults now anyway. We don’t need him any more and are now free to forge our own destiny. No more Heaven. No more Hell. God is leaving the building.

Fantasy question time, “What would you tell God?”

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  • http://www.myspace.com/itsahicke Her3tiK

    “Your chosen people are real assholes, you know that? Then again, like father like son, right?”

  • http://www.myspace.com/agnosticanarch AgnosticAnarch

    You’re much nicer than me. If that mythology were real, I would take my inspiration from Lucifer and try to take God down. I wouldn’t have much to say to it until it was time to destroy it.

  • http://www.imagenone.blogspot.com TheGuy

    I would say, “clear this up for me: you ARE Jesus or Jesus’s DAD? And how was Mary in the sack?”

    • http://www.myspace.com/itsahicke Her3tiK

      God has a tiny dick if he couldn’t even break her.

  • http://poweressence.com/ Maxwell Jennings

    I’d want to know why he’s been such a cosmic-thug jerk and why he thinks he needs/deserves praises and unquestionable faithfulness from us, why he has condoned slavery and the downgrading of women for thousands of years, and why he lets absolutely evil con-artist men represent him in organized religions. These are things that an egomaniacal, neurotic, psychotic, child-abusing adult would do and you’ve done them all. Goodbye and take your flock with you. The rest of us want a sane world devoid of dangerous, dogma-pushing religious control freaks.

  • http://www.myspace.com/jwbgotw Burch

    I’d ask if he could validate my parking.

  • http://www.examiner.com/x-11708-Philadelphia-Reason--Religion-Examiner ShaunPhilly

    I’d ask him where he studied science because his book was really bad at stuff like that.

  • Aspentroll

    I’d ask him to show himself now and then or quit bothering us via his deluded followers.

  • Sara

    The first thing I’d say would probably just be, “Well that’s a fucking surprise.” and then “So, people like Pat Robertson and Ann Coulter come here? (If the answer is yes) BYE! I’m off to join Lucifer!”

  • Sara

    Sorry, that was assuming I talk to God at the Pearly Gates/after death. Otherwise, I’ll probably finish with something like “Well that’s the last time I’ll see you but I’ll send you a postcard from Hell.”

  • Kat

    “You’re really bad at this Deity Business,You should rethink that calling and who invented peek~a~boo?…I bet that was you”

  • habital_enmity

    Does such an act require language?

  • http://www.myspace.com/magpigh Mags

    I’d ask him to set the record straight, once and for all, about this bible nonsense. Then I’d ask him to bitch-slap a few evangelists and the catholic diocese and ask them what the HELL they were thinking when they decided it was a good idea to hate in his name, to pro-create and overpopulate no matter the consequences to the earth and mankind and then for a final question, he could ask “Who put THEM in charge”??? boooyah!

  • colleen

    I would ask if he was the original idiot savant, smart enough to create the rules of our universe but to stupid to explain it

  • http://www.myspace.com/DD_NU4EVER Diana

    A lot of things come to mind…but, I’ve been pondering something for some time:

    “God, you know everything that has, will and is happening, right?”
    “Well, before I go to Hell for not worshiping you, or accepting the gift, that was the brutal murder of your son and yourself….May I ask a few simple questions?”
    “If you know everything, then you knew that Adam would be lonely and want Eve…yet you waited for him to be lonely and ask for a companion before you made her. And, you knew that the woman you were going to make for Adam would eat the fruit, yet you sill made it a rule and you didn’t warn them about talking snakes….and you created Lucifer, even though you knew he would betray you and damn humans to pain of death…So, I guess my question would be…is this all part of your plan, you are the one pulling all the strings in the first place. Doesn’t this mean that all the evil in the world was created and planned by you? You allowed the original sin to take place, you created Lucifer, you created Eve, knowing what they would do and simply sitting on your ass with your thumb up your butt!
    Why would you create a beautiful universe for us humans and then by the strategic placement of two beings, Eve and Lucifer, doom it! How can you blame us for anything, when you planned for us to do as we do? If we are all part of your perfect plan, then no one is to blame for their actions, you planned it.”

    One more question.

    “The universe is unbelievably old…and since you are the Hebrew God, I must assume that we are the only life forms with our mental ability and living soul…yet you created so many other galaxies. Why, if we are the only beings?

    • http://myspace.com/scott888 Scott

      Very good questions to ask him! He’d get so mad he’d send you to the lowest and harshest level of hell, if he existed, but he doesn’t not and his logic is not sound enough to exist anyways.

  • http://myspace.com/blackhawk089 Matt

    Well I must say if God DOES exist you are all royally screwed. Does no one on here realize how ridiculously arrogant it would be to tell the guy that created you that you have now evolved beyond him and know better and can therefore accuse him of all the things many of you have been?! Does no one see that?! The self proclaimed autonomous man will in the end see his folly.

    Another point to add, does no one see the irony from my point of view? Assuming your all wrong, which is what this blog is about….your completely screwed. Everything you had ever thought about God was wrong, and now you will spend eternity separated from him. Anyone who would be so arrogant as to not admit his folly is beyond foolish…I cannot even think of a powerful enough word.

    Lets make another hypothetical situation….lets say I’m wrong….oh wait, nothing would happen…I’d just be dead and never know the difference.

    • http://www.dangeroustalk.net Staks

      Let’s explore that thought a minute. Why would it be arrogant for us to think that we can think. Our reasoning skills tell us that the God of the Bible is a tyrant. Everything we have learned about how people are supposed to interact with each other forces us to one inevitable conclusion. The character of God as portrayed in the Bible is Immoral. There really is no way around that. Let’s say that he did create us, does that make him always right? If so, how so? I have talked about this before when I talked about how a child sees his father when he is young. But as we grow up, we see that our father doesn’t always know best. Yet our father played the co-role of creating us. I love my dad, but sometimes he is wrong. That doesn’t make me arrogant, it just means that I can now think and reason.

      Now, let’s say that you are wrong. And Matt, you and I have discussed this before. Let’s say that I am also wrong and that Osama bin Laden is the correct one. Then your folly would be as you say, beyond foolish. Allah’s Hell is much worse than Yahweh’s Hell. So if I had to pick based on which made up deity is scarier, Allah wins every time. So why is it that even though it would be “beyond foolish” to not believe in Allah, neither of us do? The reason is obvious, because we both know that Allah is make-believe. The difference is that I am just as sure that your God is make-believe too.

      • http://myspace.com/blackhawk089 Matt

        As I’ve said before, I know the claims of Islam and they are quite easily falsifiable and disproved by an honest man. I’d rather not follow a guy named Mohammad who married a 9 year old girl…..or was she 11? Plus, he died. Thats it, he just died, said he was a prophet, stole tons of ideas from Christianity (adding his own spin), then died.

        Now I realize you say the same in regards to Christianity, but your kinda making a smokescreen here. If Christianity is false, I would become an atheist in a heartbeat. That being said, if I were to die, nothing.

    • http://myspace.com/scott888 Scott

      “Well I must say if God DOES exist you are all royally screwed. Does no one on here realize how ridiculously arrogant it would be to tell the guy that created you that you have now evolved beyond him and know better and can therefore accuse him of all the things many of you have been?! Does no one see that?! The self proclaimed autonomous man will in the end see his folly.”

      Oh Matt, waiting until a particular blog is a few days old before posting so you don’t have to argue against as many atheists. Your God is imaginary and I don’t know how you fail to see that! Science has debunked Genesis. If you believe in God, you have to reject the dinosaurs since they existed 65 million years ago. You know the Andromeda Galaxy, the farthest object visible to the naked eye is 2.5 million light years away. In order for us to see this thing it would require that God placed the light approximately a few thousand years away from us so we could see it today.

      God created caves because he planned on creating blind salamanders. He created rocks so lichen would have a place to grow. He created volcanic vents because he knew he would make sulfur eating bacteria. But we know the better explanation is that life adapted to what is there rather than God going out of his way to make these oddities.

      “Another point to add, does no one see the irony from my point of view? Assuming your all wrong, which is what this blog is about….your completely screwed. Everything you had ever thought about God was wrong, and now you will spend eternity separated from him. Anyone who would be so arrogant as to not admit his folly is beyond foolish…I cannot even think of a powerful enough word.”

      There is no way in hell we are wrong. There might be a God but it’s not the Christian God. It could easily be another God that is the real God and you will be damned for not believing the right God.

      “Lets make another hypothetical situation….lets say I’m wrong….oh wait, nothing would happen…I’d just be dead and never know the difference.”

      If you are wrong, it’s either nothing or you face the wrath of Allah, Shiva, the Devourer, Hades, etc for making the mistake of believing in the wrong religion. You are far more ironic than us.

      Matt, when are you going to learn? Why do you visit this blog? Are you getting brownie points with God for trying to convert us?

      We know there is no God because:
      -Science counters the first chapter of the bible
      -History counters the second chapter of the bible
      -Moral atrocities counter the third chapter of the bible
      -The religion you were born into is correct and all others are wrong
      -The character of God is not perfect
      -The bible contradicts itself
      -The snake was the symbol of wisdom before the bible
      -The snake told people to get wisdom from the tree of knowledge
      -mankind is damned for seeking knowledge
      -The reason for this is because those that created this religion knew that too much questioning of the religion happened before and rulers wanted to control the people even more
      -The bible wants you to be happy to be a slave which was convenient for slave holders.
      -To get to heaven you need to stone people, sell your possessions, among other things that absolutely nobody does so we are all going to hell anyways.

      I could go on…

      • http://myspace.com/blackhawk089 Matt

        Scott scott scott, when are YOU going to learn? lolz

        Why do I visit this blog? I like to hear staks point of view, I would be a hypocrite if I only exposed myself to theistic and Christian thinking. I’m not trying to convert you lol, I am reasoning and having conversation….it is not my job to convert, but to only share the gospel, you can study the evidence yourself and the holy spirit does the spiritual convicting.

        “Oh Matt, waiting until a particular blog is a few days old before posting so you don’t have to argue against as many atheists.”

        Or maybe I visit this a couple times a week and can’t keep up with all his blogs? Cause i work 40 hours a week and am going to school too? Why would you even assume that? That is just completely unnecessary…..

        “Science has debunked Genesis.” “In the Beginning”….the Bible has been telling us for 2000 years there was a beginning, and science recently discovered this to be fact. lawl, you want some interesting reading? CHeck out John Walton’s commentary on Genesis….he is a professor at Wheaton College, and does an amazing job of taking the text and interpreting it from the target audiences perspective and applying it to today. You will be quite surprised at his very compelling interpretation of the book of Genesis.

        “If you believe in God, you have to reject the dinosaurs since they existed 65 million years ago.” Why? No I don’t….the Bible gives genealogies of the Jewish people that date around 6000 years ago, so what?….it never makes any sort of scientific claim on the age of the earth, strawman strawman strawman.

        “You know the Andromeda Galaxy, the farthest object visible to the naked eye is 2.5 million light years away. In order for us to see this thing it would require that God placed the light approximately a few thousand years away from us so we could see it today.”

        Since science is your god (oh but it is….) you should know the Universe is ever expanding….and I’m pretty sure with the big bang things expanded very very rapidly….assuming this theory is true…how is it so hard to believe that these galaxies merely exploded this far away without necessarily needing billions or millions or years?

        “God created caves because he planned on creating blind salamanders. He created rocks so lichen would have a place to grow. He created volcanic vents because he knew he would make sulfur eating bacteria. But we know the better explanation is that life adapted to what is there rather than God going out of his way to make these oddities.”

        ? Have I ever said I don’t believe in adaptation? Certain salamanders end up going blind because they live in caves….cool. Non of this is contradictory in anyway to the Christian worldview.

        “There is no way in hell we are wrong. There might be a God but it’s not the Christian God. It could easily be another God that is the real God and you will be damned for not believing the right God.”

        I have studied every major world religion and if I am wrong….I am 100% positive the others are wrong too. Pretty much everything built off of Judaism…why do you think there are so many similarities between religions?!

        • http://myspace.com/scott888 Scott

          “Or maybe I visit this a couple times a week and can’t keep up with all his blogs? Cause i work 40 hours a week and am going to school too? Why would you even assume that? That is just completely unnecessary…..”

          It isn’t that much of a time investment to read this blog once a day.

          “….the Bible has been telling us for 2000 years there was a beginning, and science recently discovered this to be fact.”

          The bible told us the about the beginning in a completely different story than what science tells us. Also, the bible’s creation story is from an exceedingly humanistic perspective.

          “lawl, you want some interesting reading? Check out John Walton’s commentary on Genesis….he is a professor at Wheaton College, and does an amazing job of taking the text and interpreting it from the target audiences perspective and applying it to today. You will be quite surprised at his very compelling interpretation of the book of Genesis.”

          Who the hell is John Walton. I’m on dial up and I can’t watch a video from someone who probably is a creationist.

          “Why? No I don’t….the Bible gives genealogies of the Jewish people that date around 6000 years ago, so what?….it never makes any sort of scientific claim on the age of the earth, strawman strawman strawman.”

          Bullshit, Genesis clearly happened just a few centuries before the Exodus.

          “Since science is your god (oh but it is….) you should know the Universe is ever expanding….and I’m pretty sure with the big bang things expanded very very rapidly….assuming this theory is true…how is it so hard to believe that these galaxies merely exploded this far away without necessarily needing billions or millions or years?”

          Oh Matt, you don’t understand astronomy do you. What you are saying is scientifically impossible to happen. The big bang was around 15 billion years ago and the Andromeda galaxy is 2.5 million light years away. So what you are saying is that the Andromeda remained a few hundred light years from us for the entirety of the universe for 14,998 million years before suddenly moving away from us faster than the speed of light 6000 years ago to it’s current location even though all data we see it as it was 2.5 million years ago. And you reject the big bang theory anyways because you are a fucking delusional idiot.

          “Have I ever said I don’t believe in adaptation? Certain salamanders end up going blind because they live in caves….cool. Non of this is contradictory in anyway to the Christian worldview.”

          Bullshit, you reject evolution and now you are supporting it conveniently once you get irrefutable evidence.

          “I have studied every major world religion and if I am wrong….I am 100% positive the others are wrong too. Pretty much everything built off of Judaism…why do you think there are so many similarities between religions?!”

          Considering you reject evolution and the big bang simply because they contradict your bible, I don’t take your opinions on other religions seriously.

          • http://myspace.com/blackhawk089 Matt

            lol ok scott, you win. I’m an idiot, and your right. Now leave me alone!! Just let me talk to staks!

          • http://myspace.com/blackhawk089 Matt

            Oh and I actually think Walton does believe in Evolution….maybe not but score 1 for you making assumptions and not looking it up yourself. Yaya for ignorance!!