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In The Image of God

I never really understood the whole “image of God” thing Christians always talk about. I look in the mirror every day and I have to tell you that I really don’t think I look a thing like God. For starters, I can actually see myself.

That aside, does God have two legs, two arms, two eyes, a nose and a mouth too? Most Christians tell me no. But if I have all those things why doesn’t God. Speaking of body parts, one thing is clear. God definitely has a penis (nod to Sam Singleton). The Bible after all refers to God as a male and since the main distinguishing characteristic of males is in the genitalia, God must have a penis. That makes sense when you think about it, because he certainly must have a large set of balls to set up a system in which most people are tortured for all eternity and then to turn around and claim that he loves everyone. Shit like that takes balls.

That brings me to another question, if I shit and I was made in God’s image, does God shit too? Again, no Christian no matter how irrational he or she might be would claim that God shits. That very idea is probably blasphemous to most Christians. So what exactly does it mean to be made in the image of God?

Maybe it is not the physical characteristics of God that we are talking about, but rather the mental characteristics. Maybe God is like a role model or something. WWGD, “What Would God Do?” Well, I don’t really think that is it. After all, could you imagine a society in which everyone acted like God? As role models go, he isn’t exactly the best one. I mean God is such a jealous god, and angry too. He’s always going around and smiting people. He is after all the god of Wrath. So I don’t think we are made in his mental image. But I do still think it would be fun to go around with the WWGD attitude. But alas, I have morals and stuff.

Finally, we are left with the obvious answer. We are made in God’s spiritual image. What the fuck does that mean? I seriously would like to know. The word “spiritual” is so vague and meaningless. It basically is the term used by people who want to seem deeply religious without having to actually believe any of the nonsense.

Now I am sure some Christians are going to claim that it has to do with the soul and the eternal lifespan that it is alleged to have. But the reality is that it is really all about that second part. You know the eternal lifespan part. People are afraid to die and so they have created a being that is the “alpha and the omega” which is eternal and then declared that we were created by that being with that same eternal lifespan. So after all is said and argued, being created in God’s image really just means that people are afraid to die.

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