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Sex, Marriage, and Fairytales

Yesterday, I wrote an Examiner article responding to Jefferson Bethke’s latest video called “Sex, Marriage, and Fairytales.” Today, I still have more to say on the topic. I thought of making my own spoken word on the subject, but I would rather be more informative.

First, I want to talk about sex before marriage. People have sex for a variety of reasons. It isn’t just for procreation anymore… as if it ever was. Sex is also a very important part of a relationship and it is important to know that everyone involved are on the same page when it comes to the subject. Just as it is important to get to know someone’s personality before you marry them, it is important to get to know someone sexually before you marry them too. Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but it is something… and for most couples it is a very important something.

Next, since Bethke focuses a lot on the negative, let’s look at divorce. Divorces happen. That is not necessarily a bad thing. People today live longer and healthy lives than we did back in the day. If you marry someone at 19, you aren’t just spending 20 or 30 years with them anymore. People are now living into their 90s and even into their hundreds. Over time, one thing is certain. You will change. You will either change with your spouse or change in a different direction.

I get my wisdom in the strangest places. A long time ago, I remember watching the first episode of SeaQuest DSV. At the end of the episode, Lucas (the boy genius) told an interesting story of how his parents fought all the time and he hated listening to them argue. He said that he just wished that they would get a divorce, but they wouldn’t. Captain Bridger asked why they didn’t. Lucas said that his father told him that they made a promise, but he guesses they didn’t count on things changing.

Like I said before though, sometimes people change together and when this happens, people can stay together for a very long time and maybe even their entire lifetime. One piece of advice that I have to help that is to marry someone who you are also friends with; more importantly, to treat your marriage like a friendship. One way to test whether you are doing that is to view the marriage ceremony as just that, a ceremony.

Getting married should not change the relationship or make the relationship more serious. Should just be a celebration of the relationship you already have. If you think you need to get married to make the relationship work, than you probably shouldn’t get married to that person at that time.

With that said, please check out my Examiner article on Jefferson Bethke’s video  “Sex, Marriage, and Fairytales.” Thanks!

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  • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-McDevitt/1390891833 David McDevitt

    well said on basically all fronts Stacks. Too many people think merrage is something scary or something that will change everything. But if you are with the right person then well, it should be more “sure why not” rather then “yes a wedding this is the highest point, lets move to the next level” or “maybe this will fix anything”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chuck-Villa/100000554551564 Chuck Villa

    Nice article Staks! I like your penultimate paragraph – it gets to the heart of the issue. Jen and I had something similar. We lived together for a while and when we got married, our relationship didn’t really change. It didn’t need to change, it was already there.