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In Enemy Territory

Over the weekend, I attended a family function. It was my Uncle’s 90th surprise birthday party and it was being held at a Knights of Columbus Hall. The Knights of Columbus is like the super Catholic Freemasons.

Outside the Hall was a lawn sign which read, “Keep the Christ in Christmas.” So right away I knew this was going to be fun. Inside, there were crucifixes everywhere all complete with a detailed Jesus being tortured on them. It’s a pretty violent image. While I didn’t really examine it all that much, I am pretty sure Jesus was bloody too.

In the main room, there were photos of various priests and other Catholic officials. Over the doorway to the main party room (where my Uncle’s party was) there was a photo of the Pope featured prominently.

Between the gory Jesus and the photos of priests I’m surprised kids don’t get nightmares for life upon entering this place. The whole time I felt like I had infiltrated enemy headquarters. I did make sure I parked close to the front of the parking lot so that every car driving in and out would have to pass my atheist bumper sticker. Other then that, I just quietly snickered to myself and stayed on good behavior. It isn’t every day an uncle turns 90. Besides, he isn’t all hat religious any way. I just hope his 100th birthday will be someplace more festive.

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