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Catholic Wheaties

I sometimes wonder how people can believe in such a ridiculous religion like Christianity. The thing is that while Christianity as a very generalized nondenominational religion has plenty of ridiculous stories and everything, once particular Christian sects start to add on their own dogmas, the religion gets even more ridiculous. There are quite a few off-shoot or sects of the generalized Christianity like The Mormons, The Jehovah’s Witnesses, The Catholics, The Baptists, etc.

The Catholics are a particularly popular branch of Christianity and I have often wondered if the leadership of the Catholic Church actually believed all the ridiculous doctrine that they push on others. Well, in 2004 the answer was revealed. It seems that the Catholic leadership doesn’t really believe what they want other to believe. You see in 2004, the Catholic Church was tested… by an 8-year-old girl.

In 2004, 8 year old, Haley Waldman, asked her local church for a gluten-free communion wafer. Because Haley had a rare illness called Celiac Sprue Disease, she had to be placed on a special gluten-free diet. Eating a gluten communion wafer would damage the lining of Haley’s small intestine, block nutrient absorption and lead to vitamin deficiencies, bone-thinning and possibly gastrointestinal cancer.

The problem is that this put the Catholic Church in a difficult position. While most people think of the Eucharist as a ceremonial ritual, according to the Church it is much more than that. Church doctrine claims that through the power of prayer, the gluten communion wafer actually goes through a process of transubstantiation which metaphysically transforms the wafer into the literal body of Jesus.

Because of this doctrine, young Haley should be able to eat the gluten wafer without a problem since if she prayed over that wafer it would cease to be a gluten wafer and would become the literal body of Jesus. Surely Haley couldn’t be allergic to Jesus, right? Only Satan and his Demons are allergic to Jesus. So according to the Church doctrine there shouldn’t be a problem with Haley eating the Eucharist.

Of course if young Haley ate the Eucharist and had a medical reaction to it, that pretty much proves one of three things. 1. Haley is Demon Spawn. 2. She didn’t pray hard enough. 3. That there is no transubstantiation at all and that the Catholic Church made the whole thing up.

The Catholic Church however couldn’t just tell Haley that it would be fine for her to eat a non-gluten wafer, because that would be tantamount to saying that they know the whole thing is bullshit. It would be an admission that the communion wafer doesn’t really transubstantiate into the body of Jesus. So they are trapped by their own dogma and have to reject her request for a non-gluten wafer.

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  • http://www.myspace.com/rothtalltales Tralf

    The Jesus Myth takes one in the gut! Ouch, that had to hurt!


  • http://www.myspace.com/itsahicke Her3tiK

    Wow… that’s effing brilliant, if completely unintentional. Does anyone know if she lost faith because of it?

    • http://www.dangeroustalk.net Staks

      I tried to find some follow-up information, but couldn’t find anything. She should be about 12 or 13 years old now.

      • SamStaurophobia

        Provided she didn’t get gastrointestinal cancer and die, uh?

        Though, I would have just not eaten it.

        I went to church once (as an Atheist, just because I got dragged along) and instead of a wafer, they had broken up Saltine crackers.

        I didn’t even know Baptist churches practiced this, and if so, shouldn’t they do it the night before “Good Friday”?

        This was in late Summer or Fall, by the way. Idr which.

  • http://skepticalhalfbreed.com/ Skeptical halfbreed

    Sometimes there are just somethings that you can’t properly comment on without using expletives. This is one of those times and one of those things. Fucking Despicable.


  • Mr. X

    “Celiac Sprue Disease,” you say…hmmm…OK…I’m writing this down…

    I’ll have to start asking around about this, to see if I can’t locate any of these “people” who claim to have it.

    Until then, I’ll be sharpening up my demon-hunting knives…

    • ProgRockGirl

      I have a friend with Celiac. She was very sick before she knew what was wrong with her. It’s a sucky disease b/c gluten is in practically everything.

  • ProgRockGirl

    That’s how religion is: acting like the ceremony is literal, but then when there is a problem that keeps them from doing this ceremony, it doesn’t really matter b/c it’s just symbolic or it’s the intent that matters. Pagans do this too with silly spells and rituals. If it’s that important, you can’t go without it. If it’s not really important, why bother doing it at all? Make up your mind! Either it’s real or it isn’t!

    Oh, and the wafer turns into Jesus? Ew! Cannibalism!

  • http://www.myspace.com/andrewtheatheist AndrewtheAtheist

    Wasn’t there a story about a year ago about someone wanting to bring KIDNAPPING charges against a teen because he had stolen a Jesus cracker?

    These Catholics are just WACKO! And they stare at atheists in amazement…How can we fathom an existance without god?

    How do these guys not fall down more?

  • A-Dizzle

    > 3. That there is no transubstantiation at all and that the Catholic Church made the
    > whole thing up.

    Hasn’t the Catholic church made everything up?

  • CatholicChurchDestroyedMyLifeInMoreWaysThanOne

    Well “Mr. X”–I am a 52 year old male who suffers Celiac Sprue, and by the way, the first and only Catholic Prez of these awful United States also suffered it, seems the Irish, Italian, and Scandinavians have a particular issue with this disease that can KILL.
    So yes, the disease is not bullshit, the foremost researcher at U Maryland, Allessio Fasano MD from the country that gave us Catholicism, at least gave us also the epidemiology that 1% of the population suffers it. It’s not bullshit, what happens is that glutens get into the bloodstream by an anamoly of a digestive hormone going awry and allowing same in, which sets up a process for genetically programmed immune destruction of glutens, which then also destroys small intestine tissue leading to malabsorption, clinical malnutrition, and the stuff that goes along with it–bone thinning, nutritional deficiencies, and so forth. It also places one at a higher than normal risk for various cancers of the digestive tract, the gallbladder eventually burns out, and the liver and bile ducts are also commonly adversely affected.
    John F. Kennedy was misdiagnosed with “Addison’s Disease” but had the great good fortune, aside from his monetary great good fortune, to have taken steroids daily, which absolutely stop autoimmune disease of all kinds dead in their tracks, and as such did not suffer overt Celiac once he started that regimen. In those days they were shooting in the dark but since money talked and he lucked out we can learn a thing or two about it in retrospect a la Celiac Sprue.
    Mr. X, your ignorance is not longer tolerable by me. So I just hope your “tude shrivels up and goes away” –and btw, I am 52 years old and plan on living as long as I can, including taking the larozetide acetate that comes out for it next year out of Alba Biotech, thankyouverymuchsirforyourkindness LMAO.