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Election Day!?!

Believe it or not, today is Election Day.  It is probably the most important election that most Americans probably never heard about. Today is the day in which the Republicans elect their champion to fix their Bush stained reputation and attempt to maybe keep some measure of relevance in the years to come. In other words, the civil war within the Republican Party comes to a head today. While there are three very distinct factions within the Republican Party (Imperialists, The greedy money grubbers, and the Religious Right) there are six somewhat odd candidates for the Chair of the Republican National Committee.

So here they are in no particular order:

Michael Steele of Maryland is a typical Republican on most issues except Affirmative Action which he actually supports. One thing which does separate him from other Republicans is of course that he is Black. So some of the Republican old guard may not think he is human.

Ken Blackwell of Ohio is also showing trying to prove that a black man can be a Republican too. And to prove it, Blackwell went on a bit of a crusade against Gay Marriage and even Civil Unions and Gay Benefits in the State of Ohio.

Katon Dawson isn’t black, but he is known in South Carolina as the Republican who has been able to reach out to… black people (okay, I cleaned that up a little but you get the point).

Chip Saltsman of Tennessee is bucking this African-American friendly group of candidates by once distributing a CD of 41 songs to his fellow Republicans one of which was entitled, “Barack the Magic Negro.” Well isn’t that delightful. He also worked closel with Mike Fuckabee… I mean Huckabee on his fortunately failed presidential run. Chip is a chip off the old Religious Right block all right.

Saul Anuzis of Michigan doesn’t look too bad. He’s a union man who is representing the fiscal conservative wing of the Party. I’m sure he would be a Libertarian if only he liked Ron Paul even a little. Anuzis was the guy who got Conspiracy Ron knocked out of the primary debates. He’s also still a Boy Scout, but that doesn’t mean that he’s a closeted gay.

Gary Emineth of North Dakota is…well, he’s from North Dakota! I got nothing.

This is going to the be biggest election you never heard about. Personally, I think I’m pulling for Saul Anuzis, but then again, I do think they all suck so I guess I’ll just stay home.

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  • admin

    Breaking News: Race is down to Micheal Steele and Katon Dawson

  • admin

    Michael Steele is the Winner!

    • admin

      Not really. Dean went from candidate to chairman. I don’t think it really goes the other way around. But maybe if Obama’s popularity is still high.

  • Scott

    So what exactly does this guy do? And why do I have an odd feeling they are trying to produce a republican Obama? Does being Chair of the Republican National Committee set him up as a possible candidate for president in four years?

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  • Mr. X

    I liked your breakdown of the “three major Republican factions”, I’d never thought of it that way…granted, there’s probably a good deal of overlap between them, anyhow.

    I stopped paying much attention to any of them when I grew up and learned that in this day and age, laissez-faire capitalism isn’t everything that Ayn Rand promised it would be.

  • Leo

    Gary Emineth seems like a good choice…but everytime they prove me wrong. Chip? No way!

  • A-Dizzle

    How about none of the above?

    Mr. X: One of the fallacies of blaming the current situation on laissez-faire capitalism, is that we don’t (and haven’t for a while) really *have* laissez-faire capitalism. Despite what people want you to believe, there are more regulations than you can shake a stick at. And, interest rates are set by the Federal Reserve and not the market (hence the artificially low interest rates). Any system has it’s problems and can be abused, but the reality we are far removed from laissez-faire capitalism.

  • admin

    I totally would vote none of the above.

  • Colleen

    This Anuzis guy seems like a real slime bag tow the line guy, just what they need to “revitalize” and the “black friendly” theme is such a hollow attempt at figuring out how to give the people what they think the people want without really having to compromise what they have been doing for years. He booted Ron Paul out after he said that there was blowback from the war effort later stating that he was just trying to narrow the field ’cause there were just so many candidates. Would you consider that selective endorsements?